Happy Birthday to Me.

It's my birthday.

Up until this one, I've always looked forward to my birthday. It's lovely to have one day of the year that's all about you. But I haven't been looking forward to this birthday with great anticipation. This one is somehow different & I'm not entirely sure why.

Today I reached an alliterative number that, if I live to be 100 (not impossible the way human organ replacement is going), puts me in the middle of my life, with just as many alliterative birthdays behind me as there are in front of me.

Maybe it's because I have gone over that hypothetical hump and no matter how optimistic I am about my chance of living to 100, there are most certainly more years behind me than in front of me. At 50, I changed the rules about half way by making up the alliterative rule but I've run out of ways to fudge the numbers. It's time to face facts. I'm running out of time. The list of things I can do when I grow up is dwindling rapidly :-(

I embraced 50 in lycra but there's no way that super suit is going to look sexy at 60. I don't have any grey hair yet but my eyebrows are disappearing and my neck looks like motley, pink crepe paper.

Then there's the look of shock on peoples' faces when you tell them you're 55. Their eyes glaze over and you realize you've suddenly moved into that invisible wasteland that belongs to women over 50.

Perhaps it's because my body no longer reacts correctly to the messages my brain sends. I lose things and forget names and some days I can only manage to do two or three things at once instead of ten! If I join in a drill at netball training I can't walk for a week. The doctor says I have high cholesterol so now I have to feel guilty about the KFC my daughter's bringing me for my birthday dinner.

I've reached the age at which I am legally allowed to retire from teaching. If I only worked part time I would be eligible for a Senior's discount on my insurance. I've moved up an entire age bracket on the 'tick your age box'. In fact, it's the second to last box. The next one on the list is 64+ , and then what?

I should be grateful just to have made it to 55. My Dad didn't and my Mum, just barely. Genetics aren't on my side. Because of their untimely deaths I have no vision of how I should look or act as an old person. To have suddenly become older than the last image you have of your parents is a very confronting experience.

And yet, I don't feel old. Not at all. I feel exactly the same as I did when I was 25, except maybe a bit smarter and more broad minded. I think back on all the birthdays I've had and the calendar says a really long time has gone past, yet it seems like a blink since I was a kid. No one tells you that growing older will be like this. There's no warning that, bit by bit, your life changes until you realize that there are some things you will never get to do again and some that you will never do at all.

Reading back this all seems a bit depressing but birthdays are a great opportunity for reflection. I can't change the fact that I'm 55 but I can choose my attitude to it so I'm going to set myself some rules for the next 4 alliteratives.

I've spent the first half of my life reading about how you should grow old gracefully. I'm fairly sure that means I should cut my hair, stop wearing short skirts and keep my opinions to myself. What a load of crap! Why should I behave any differently now than I did 10 years ago, or 20 or 30 years ago for that matter?

• I will remain just exactly who I am and who I want to be. I will wear whatever I like & I will not cut my hair unless it becomes a convenient option.

• If I get rich/ all risk is removed/ plastic surgery gets good enough that you don't look like an alien afterwards, I'll have some. I liked the way I looked better before I got old. In the meantime, I promise myself to not wear my glasses when looking in the mirror so I can pretend I look the way I do in my own memory!

• If anything, I will become more opinionated & I will voice those opinions loudly and clearly, especially when they concern bullying, racism or other forms of ignorance.

• I will stop saving so much for a rainy day & I will spend every extra cent I find on exploring the world.

• I will work until someone tells me I'm not allowed to anymore. (Or until I get rich & then I'll just share my infinite wisdom with really well mannered children & their appreciative parents.)

• I will continue to give thanks every day for my beautiful children & I'll accept the fact that my husband actually does love me for who I am not how old I am.

• I will keep learning for the sake of learning & because it will help me retain my cognitive powers for longer.

• I will think less about what other people think about me and more about what I think of myself.

• I think I'll become more of an advocate for things that are important because I have an interest in the world still being viable for my grandchildren & their children. I won't give up on the idea of becoming famous.

• I will stop regretting the things I can't do anymore and embrace the ones I can (This is rubbish. I hate being old).

Happy Birthday to Me.

Be careful what you wish for 

(with thanks to Kate Calvert for the title of this post:)

" Twenty years from now you'll be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
Mark Twain

Today we took Sophie to the airport and she got on a big, jet plane and took off to America for 6 months.
When she hugged me goodbye I just wanted to scream at her to get back in her baby cot where I could control her every move and keep her safe.

Of course I didn't,  (mainly because I knew Geoff & Jaime were ready to gang tackle me if I did!) and with a happy little wave she strode off confidently through the 'gates of no return' while I tried to sob quietly so she wouldn't hear me.

14 years ago, when she was just 7, she took her first overseas trip with her sister and me and I remember telling her that it would be the first of many trips for her. That I wished her a lifetime of travel & exploring and that one day she would grow up to be a confident young woman who would take her  destiny in own her hands and seek adventure in new places & live every minute of her life to the full.

In between then & now we encouraged her to set goals, to dream large, to aim high. We helped her to set boundaries for her behaviour, we praised when things went well, we condemned mediocrity. We traveled all over the countryside for sport, we saved hard so she could go to university.

She responded by having a go at everything, excelling in most things and persevering with the others. She developed great self belief & the confidence to bounce back from setbacks and learn from her mistakes. She stuck to her goal of finishing her degree in the States and got several jobs to earn the money to get herself there.

So, today I got that wish from long ago.

Treasure your children. Keep them close until it's time for them to fly the nest. Time passes quickly. 7 yr olds become grown ups overnight!

Parenting is hard.

If you get it right your children do just what Sophie did today.

We've done a good job. And so has she.

Happy trails Fofie. Explore, dream, discover. Take the path least travelled, but don't forget to wear your sunscreen and watch out for bees!

Advice for Facebook Posters

Two items on the news this morning highlighted the fact that the sensible use of social media lobby still has a way to go. The story about the three Adelaide school girls and their sexual favour video and the racist Facebook comments of the Energy Watch CEO reminded me that there's still a lot of education to be had in the field of social media so I jotted down some of the points that I try to get through to the kids at school. I think they are valuable to everyone.

1.The Ostrich Approach
This has two parts.
a) Don't be an ostrich parent, as in, 'If I can't see it, it doesn't matter'. If your kids are into social media (and they are) then you must at least be aware of how the process works and what programs they are using.Your child's Facebook account is not a private diary. You should have visual access to what they are saying and reading online. In my opinion if they don't want to add you as a friend then they shouldn't open an account. At the very least, you should insist on being able to look at their wall from time to time. Just as you should know who and where they are meeting people in the off line world, it's your right and duty as a parent to know who their friends and meeting places are in online spaces. This may sometimes cause discomfort and embarrassment for you or your child. That's OK. It will also provide a safety net and a social conscience that teenagers aren't always able to provide for themselves.

b) Don't be an ostrich poster. Just because you can't see the thousands of people who are seeing what you write doesn't mean they aren't real. Facebook is a public forum. When you post on a friend's wall, lot's of other people see what you write. Would you say those things if your friend's Grandma or Aunty was in the same room? Unless you've been very careful with your privacy settings and filters, it's not just your friends who are seeing your posts, it's your friend's friends and the friends of those friends. Just because you've refused to have your mum as a contact doesn't mean your friends' friends' friends have!

2. Potty mouth
Most people swear. I swear. I swear in context and sometimes I embarrass myself by swearing. However, just as I don't swear in my classroom, I don't swear on social media because that's stupid. People judge you when you swear and even though you might think you're being all grown up and edgy by dropping f bombs, you aren't. You just make yourself sound stupid because clearly you have no better words to use.

3. Fishing for sympathy. 
If something bad happens to you then it's ok to let people know via social media. In fact sometimes it helps spread the word and you don't have to add the awkwardness of having to repeat the news. But the constant whining and 'crying wolf' thing is just plain painful. Go back and check your last 20 status updates. If more than two of them were of the 'Why me?, I'm so over it' variety, get yourself a happier outlook or a counsellor.

4. Portray the person you want to be.
You won't always be the hormone overloaded, angst filled teenager or immature adult you are today. Sooner or later you are going to be part of the real world of jobs and lasting relationships. One day you may have children of your own. Every time you post something on Facebook, imagine a prospective employer reading it. Every time you upload a photo, imagine the mother of your future boyfriend/girlfriend looking at it. How will your children feel when they look back at your digital image in 10 or 20 years time? I'm an employer and I promise you that when I get job applications or requests for student teacher placements, I always check out the applicant's digital footprint. I'm also a mother and I'm honest enough to admit that I have googled every one of my girls' boyfriends.

Instead, actively build your own, positive digital image. Use social media for powerful, personal promotion. Start creating a positive footprint for yourself and it will pay off in spades later on. Create the type of image that you will be proud to produce as an accessory to your resume. One of the benefits of the Facebook timeline is that you can be selective with your history. Just show the good bits. Present a positive face online. Celebrate your successes in words and pictures. Join groups and like pages that reflect the positive aspects of your personality. Disassociate yourself with pages that may reflect poorly on you.

5. There are no permanent erasers in cyberworld.
You can delete and edit posts & photos but chances are if you post something offensive, someone will have screen shotted it or saved it or forwarded it and it will come back to bite you. Our kids learnt about the speed of the internet when we did our Teapotting experiment last year.This applies to phone convos as well as inbox messages. It's pretty embarrassing to see a private text message appear on someone's Facebook wall but it's happening more and more frequently.

6. Fishing for compliments.
'Like for a like'. Worse still, 'like for a rate'. What are you hoping will happen when you ask someone to rate your looks? Do you seriously want to be publicly compared to everyone else? There's nothing but misery to be gained from this. Unless of course you are a confident, drop dead gorgeous super model and everyone rates you a 10. Then you're asking for misery for everyone else who is rated less than you and that's mean and clearly you aren't as confident as you thought!

7. Save the sexy photos for your MTV career.
Anything that involves a view of your cleavage from above, a lack of underwear, pouting lips or provocative poses in the mirror will come back to haunt you when you get old enough to realise you actually look a bit silly pretending to be a Playboy bunny. These photos will also invite insulting comments from acquaintances on your friend's list and that will more than likely lead to an online fight and you will get upset and defensive and so on and so on. Worse still, your photo could end up in a much nastier corner of the internet and you really don't want to think about the sort of people who might be ogling it there. It's much easier to wear extra clothes in your profile pictures :-)

8. Impersonating other people is illegal. 
It may seem funny when you hack someone else's Facebook page but usually it's not. At the very least, you'll embarrass them. At worst you'll get yourself or them into serious trouble. If you're an adult and you're still 'fraping', stop being such a bad role model.

9. Remove inappropriate posts. 
If someone does hack your wall with something inappropriate, remove it. Don't just leave it there and explain it away by saying you've been hacked. It's like being a bystander to bullying. The people who see it on your wall will think less of you and it will become part of your digital footprint. If you're scared you'll lose face with the hacking friend if you take it down, you probably should re think the friendship. If you have to, use the trusted adults in your online space as an excuse. 'I had to take it down or Mum will kill me'.

10. Don't spam! 
Back in the good old days, we called them chain letters and we taught our kids not to allow threats of bad luck or promises of good fortune to suck us in to forwarding them to other people. Activism is one thing. As Kony2012 proved to us, Facebook is a great way to get your message out there, but don't be manipulative in the process. Anything that begins with '97% of people won't repost this but my real friends/people who love me/ones who care will' is obnoxious.

I have more advice ( in fact I'm full of it!) but 10 points is apparently the golden number for blog posts.
If you have some timely advice for social media users, please add it in the comments box.

January 1 : Rituals by Anne De Manser · 365 Project

January 1 : Rituals by Anne De Manser · 365 Project

The Graduate

Two years of hard slog came to fruition last week when I graduated from The University of Melbourne with a Masters of School Leadership.

A lot of time has passed between my first spate of tertiary education and this one and the graduation caused me to reflect on the differences between those two experiences.

When I finished at the same uni over 30 years ago, I didn't attend my graduation. I was very young and had lots of things to do that at the time seemed far more important to me. This time I have a far greater appreciation of the value of further education and while the lure of the floppy Ph D hat is something I may consider after I retire, I know I may not get the opportunity to stretch my thinking in this way again for a long time.

First time around I chose teaching because the government of the day offered me free tuition, a generous weekly allowance and a guaranteed job on the completion of my diploma. I had no idea whether teaching was the career for me at that stage, it was simply a means to an end. This time, still armed with a scholarship, albeit a half fee one, I have had to make huge sacrifices of my time, my money and my energy to get through the course. With a husband studying his Masters at the same time, family life has been limited and our little boy has had to make some sacrifices too. This time though, I know that I love teaching and so the decision to improve my own qualifications is more relevant and connected to my everyday life.

Throughout my first stint at uni I was a firm believer that 'Ps got degrees' and I fulfilled that requirement in a spectacularly insignificant way. This time I got an HD for each and every assignment and subject. Since I set really high expectations for the kids I teach, there was no way I was going to lower them for myself! Continuing to achieving those marks added pressure to what I was doing but it also gave me a goal and provided the motivation to balance my procrastitory nature.

Back in the 70s I met some nice people on my course and we spent a fair bit of time at PAs (the pub across the road). Occasionally we would work on an assignment together but mostly we just drank a lot!
This time we occasionally called in to PAs after lectures but the drink vs collaboration ratio was reversed. Now I have a much greater appreciation of networking and the opportunity to get together with other like minded, progressive, positive thinking educators was one of the best outcomes of the whole experience. The support of my cohort of fellow students has been amazing. I have made new friends of all ages and I'm looking forward to an ongoing sharing of ideas with them.

The return to academia, especially the demands of academic reading and writing, was difficult. I remember reading the prescribed chapter for our first assignment. By nature an avid and voracious reader, I got to the end of that chapter and realised I hadn't understood a single word of it. It took me three readings to feel like I actually had a handle on the philosophical work of Jane Roland Martin. Now I skim read similar texts and assimilate the understandings as I go. I find my conversation pretentiously littered with words like pedagogy and paradox and empirical. I have learnt to accurately and precisely reference my work in APA style ( although I have not gotten over my hatred of this time consuming convention). I struggled through the 1000 words of our first written reflection. Last month when I went to submit my final action research report, it took three weeks of editing to prune it to 7500 words!

Educational researchers who were previously just names to me were bought to life during our intensives as we were presented with a veritable smorgasbord of educational crusaders like Alma Harris, Patrick Duignan and John Hattie. I was inspired and entertained and awed by them. There were so many 'ah ha' moments that I filled four Smiggle notebooks.

What now that the Masters has been mastered? Well, we've bought a caravan to fill in the weekends that have been soaked up with study for the past two years. It's time to devote some time to the education of our son and there's no place better to do that the on the road exploring the countryside. I hope that what I've learnt about myself and about leadership has equipped me to achieve better outcomes for the students and teachers in my school. I know that I've learnt personal lessons about perseverance and positive thinking that will stand me in good stead for the rest of my life.

Somewhere down the track I think there's a doctorate in me but I think I'll encourage to Geoff struggle through his first. I quite fancy the vision of myself as an eccentric and studious old lady. For now, I intend to continue my research into social media in education because it's a fascinating and ever evolving topic. Sooner rather than later I hope to have the confidence to share it with a broader audience.

After that, who knows? What I do know is that I will always be seeking new ways to stretch and challenge my mind. Once ignited, the thirst for knowledge is unquenchable!

The List

I've been working on a fairly big list lately and today I ticked off the last of it.

My young friend Olivia says August is the evil month but this year it was a week in October that nearly caused my downfall. I had taken a study day to work on my final Masters presentation and so I was at home when the phone rang at 9.15 on Monday morning. It was my dermatologist ringing to say that a routine biopsy I'd had during the holidays had come back positive and I had a melanoma on my leg that would need to be removed as soon as possible.Given that my mother was diagnosed with melanoma at exactly the same (to the day) age as I am now and had subsequently died a very painful and undignified death from the disease, this was pretty traumatic news for me.

The following day, Tuesday, I was due at a job interview for the Acting Principal position at school. The surgery was set for Thursday in Melbourne. I had to come home for the school fete on Saturday and then back to Melbourne on Sunday to give a presentation for the final subject of my Masters degree. The week after that I had a school camp and at the start of the next week, which is today, my final 7000 word Action Research Report was due.

I hadn't started the presentation and the report was no more than draft notes.
I allowed myself the luxury of an hour of wild, morbid thoughts and solitary sobbing. Then my wonderful husband came home from work to assure me I'd be OK and my good friend Lyle arrived with chocolate and coffee and the benefit of her own experience with overwhelming situations. She told me to make a list and tick off one thing at a time.

My training in positive psychology kicked in and told me I couldn't change the prognosis of the disease by worrying about it and I refused to let my amygdala be highjacked. So I wrote the list and only allowed myself to worry about one item at a time. I chose to think positively about each obstacle and to remain calm.

And so, one hurdle at a time was crossed. I did the interview and got the job. I had the surgery. I did the presentation (and got a perfect score for it).I went to the fete and wrote the report. I had a great time on camp and today I had my stitches out in the morning and hit the submit button on the Uni assignment this afternoon. In between I caught a cold and lost my voice for a week, but the list is done!

Starting tomorrow there is a whole new list of things waiting to be done and I know I will be watching for new melanomas for the rest of my life. But this list, that felt so seemingly impossible a couple of  weeks ago, is done. My pathology is clear, I've completed two years of fairly gruelling study, I have tenure in my job (and an upcoming pay rise!) and more importantly, I've felt the warmth of kindness from friends and relative strangers who have gone out of their way to help me get through the list in one piece.

So what's this got to do with education and hindsight?

Easy; it's a lesson in stereotypical positivity and it's added to my lessons to live by.

• Have faith in your own ability.
• Depend on good friends and family.
• Ask for help.You'll be surprised where that help will come from.
• Don't farseek, take one step at a time.
• Be positive. Visualise the best possible outcome and even if it doesn't work out that way , you'll sleep better in the meantime.

"Seuss!"

"How sad, how sad, how unspeakably dreary..."

Twelve months of planning, six months of rehearsals and two weeks of performance came to an end last week with our final 'Seussical the Musical' theatre restaurant show. By the last performance it had actually become an exercise in survival, as one by one the cast succumbed to a particularly nasty virus with rapid onset fever and terrible headaches. Kids who had been as healthy as mules in make up were dropping like flies between scenes. Some of the Whos fell victim down under the stage in Whoville and had to be rescued and sent home! The flock of 12 bird girls was a reduced to a pair of barely fluttering pigeons by the time we got to 'All for You'. The Mayor's Wife lost her voice but soldiered on in mime while Cindy Lou Who sang her lines. The Mayor, shivering and shaking , sweated his way to the finale before collapsing in a heap on the stage. Yertle never even made it to the hall and the Sour Kangaroo was reduced to a squeak for the court scene.

Thankfully, The Cat, Horton, Jojo, Maysie and Gertrude held their health together through a strict regime of echinacea, pineapple juice, olive leaf extract, wishful thinking and just plain refusal to give in to the bug.

It's true that with over 70 kids on the stage, we do have room for some attrition but after working so hard for so long, it's really disappointing for the kids if they get so sick that they can't perform. Luckily we did 8 shows altogether so even the sickies had time to star for at least one show. And star they did. As always I was overwhelmed by the professionalism and enthusiasm of our cast. To see (extra)ordinary, untrained kids producing such high level entertainment is thrilling. To be part of a community team of staff, students and parents who help them achieve this standard is very satisfying.

Every year success comes in different forms. This year there were a couple of stand outs. Last year several of our long standing stars graduated from school and so it was really gratifying to see the next 'layer' of performers emerging to become leaders on stage and off. Especially, it was great to see them taking feedback after each show and creating something even better the next day. It is truly the mark of a mature performer when feedback is sought as a way to improve rather than being perceived as  criticism. More importantly, a couple of them even stayed to help pack up at the end of each performance and took the time to thank their teachers for all the work they'd done. A thank you to the directing team is a rare gift and one that is gratefully received :-)

As usual, from the chorus arose new stars. Down in Whoville there were a couple of eager young thespians whose characterisation endeared them to every audience and who will definitely be making the move to the top stage next year!

Another bonus was the great support we got from parents this year. We had mums who sewed and made soup and created magnificent makeup, grandfathers who helped make the sets, dads who built things and photographed things and a couple of rare gems who were at almost every show just taking care of whatever needed to be done. As always, when teachers and parents work that closely together, it's the kids who benefit.

There has been some speculation at school that while the benefits from being involved in this performance are great, the impact on school life may be too much. I totally disagree.The benefits are greater than anything we can do inside a classroom. It is unfortunate that the benefit to each individual involved can't be measured. If it could then there would be unanimous agreement that two weeks of disruption to the regular school program is a very small price to pay.

Here are just a few of the benefits that I see. Please feel free to add more in the comment box.

• Connectedness to school: Everyone wants to be there and as a result we all feel part of a team and the pride in our school is overwhelming. Some kids who don't necessarily 'fit' in other areas of school are VIPs in the production.
• Relationships: Teachers, students and parents working together toward a common goal creates strong, lasting relationships. You get to know each other very well through 6 months of rehearsals. These relationships spill over into the normal school routine. I've NEVER had a behaviour problem with a student whose been part of the production.
• Happiness: By and large, during the show, the entire company is happy. People smile a lot.
• Real life, rich task learning: We have had kids who've learnt to read so they could read the script to get into the show. We have kids on the sound desk running mics and lights and giving stage direction, selling tickets and programs and making props. There's an abundance of literacy and numeracy involved and these skills are valued because they are vital to the show's success.
• Leadership: There's a hierachy involved in the cast and everyone knows it. The experienced students are expected to mentor and lead the younger students and they do so with care and respect.
• Self Confidence: Being on the stage is scary. In fact, when the big spotlight goes on, it's terrifying. Over the course of their years with the company, timid little year 5s become Cats and Hortons and absolutely Amayzing Maysies. You can bet this confidence will come in handy at their first job interview.
• Sense of pride: It's hard to find an experience anywhere else in the school program that will instil this sort of personal and team pride in 10-18 yr olds.
• Perseverance: Putting on a show of this calibre is very hard work. There are moments during long, dark Wednesdays nights when everyone feels like giving up. Those who don't learn that it's worth sticking with things and that perseverance pays.
• All Roundedness: In a small , country town like ours, there's a real danger of  kids becoming very one dimensional. Because we have such a high participant rate, it's possible for our students to be footy stars and academics and performers.
• Public speaking: Obviously.

And so, The Jungle of Nool and Whoville are gone, but the lessons of Solla Sollew remain. We'll be back again next year, striving once more for excellence and knowing, as always, that the show we put on will be the 'best ever'!

".....Remember that life's A Great Balancing Act. And will you succeed? Yes! You will, indeed! (98 and ¾ percent guaranteed) Kid, you'll move mountains."